You'd think I would be over it by now

A couple of weeks ago, at my weekly bible study, a friend of mine broke down in tears. That day was her son's fifth birthday, and although it was five years ago, the scary memories of how he came into to the world were still so painful for her to think about. Her experience had a lot of similarities to mine. And to be honest, I was relieved to know how she felt, because I have been feeling the same way, both last year at Isabella's birthday, and now this year with her birthday coming up in just a couple of days. I can't explain it very good, but when I think about my pregnancy and her birth, it's like it was just yesterday. All the emotions and complete fear come rushing back to me. Her birthday is such a bittersweet time for me, I'm so happy to have my healthy little girl, but those emotions are always on my mind this time of year. I try not to think about her birth, but it's like a movie playing over and over again in my mind. The chaos of doctors rushing in, working on her tiny, lifeless body. Even though the outcome was wonderful, the whole experience was just something I'd rather not think about. I know some would say to get over it, things could have been SO much worse. I know that because that's what I keep telling myself, but it's just not that easy. Anyway, needless to say, I'm kind of an emotional basketcase right now . . .