Almost 38 weeks!

I swear I've been in early labor for a week now!  Dr even sent me to the hospital on Tues, after checking me, and seeing how much I had progressed in a week.  But they ended up sending me home.  I've never made it past exactly 37 weeks, so this is the longest I've ever been pregnant!

Almost 34 weeks!

And he's a big boy according to the ultrasound!  Hoping to go early again.  Jaymes was born at 37 weeks, I'll take that again!  (By the way, I just put the Blogger app on my phone, expect to see more posts from me now, since I am never on my computer.)

Merry Christmas!

Two posts in one day, I don't know what has gotten in to me!  We thoroughly enjoyed a nice, quiet Christmas Eve, just at home and church with our own little family (weekends and Christmas Day were spent with extended family).

Officially third trimester!!  Since I've never gone past 37 weeks, and I'm having a lot of contractions already, both my doctor and I think I once again won't make it past 37 weeks.  So... probably only 8 - 9 weeks left!!  I better get going, I've done nothing to get ready for this baby yet!

Stepping out of my comfort zone...

Life is moving right along with all sorts of things going on this advent season.  I am finally feeling like a functioning human being again, and for some one who started showing later this time than any of my other pregnancies, it seems I'm making up for it now!  25 + weeks, almost to third trimester!!

For those 9 weeks

For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.

S Erling

This is a hard post to write, my thoughts are all jumbled up, and I hope I can adequately express them.  It seems we are in a "winter season" of our lives right now, which really seems about right as I sit here typing, and the snow is flying on this dreary, cold APRIL day!  Oh how I loved getting to go to the doctor every single week, for a while everything seemed so reassuring!  My hcg and progesterone levels were great, I had an ultrasound every week, as well.  Seeing that baby growing every week, and seeing the heart beat was amazing, I'm so thankful for those wonderful memories, I'll hold on to them forever, along with the ultrasound pictures, the one tangible reminder that my baby was here, he existed!  I gladly accepted the morning sickness, because I knew (or so I thought, and so my doctor told me) that meant that all was well with the baby, and I would have done anything for that little baby.  For a month Monte was practically a single dad while he was home, taking care of the kids, the house, and his nauseous wife.  Everything was going so well, my doctor said after one more weekly appointment I could start going monthly.  That one last weekly appointment came, he looked on the ultrasound and remarked at how much the baby had grown since the last week ... then silence.  "I don't see the heart beating." I said.  "That's what I'm looking for." he said.  And I knew, I knew in my heart my baby was dead, it was so much smaller the week before, but I saw the heart beating plain as day that week.  He sent me to the hospital to get a better ultrasound, then came to talk to Monte and I, and tell us the news I already knew in my heart.  I was a wreck, thankfully Monte told me later what all the doctor had talked to us about, because I honestly don't remember much of anything he said.  I couldn't believe this was happening.  You see, this was not the first baby we've lost, not the second, but this was the third baby in a row that we've lost.

On March 25 I went in for surgery, and after a short half hour surgery my baby was officially not with me anymore.  The hospital, and all of the doctors and nurses were amazing.  They always called my baby a baby, not "tissue" or anything else.  After I woke up in recovery, my nurse peeked her head in, and asked which cemetery we would like our baby buried at, I was impressed that they do that, and overcome with emotion!  They sent the baby to pathology for testing, to see if they could find a cause, since this was the third time this happened.  The results came back that our baby was perfectly normal.  Oh how I'm sorry I couldn't keep that little baby safe, and I don't know why!

We have more children in heaven than we do here on earth.  Oh how I long to know them, and see them one day.  I also know that before all of this, I never thought about heaven all that much, but now I do, and long for it.  For that I am grateful!

After the first two miscarriages I still had hope.  After this last one, my hope was gone for a while, and that is a very bad place to be in!  One HAS to have hope.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us." - Romans 5: 3-5

I'm sad, but getting better.  Although if I had my way, all of this would have never happened.  I do know that these trials, though, have brought me so much closer to God, I've really needed Him!  I've been given a lot of opportunities to exercise my own trust in Him.

 Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

 “Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

 You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

 I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.                                                                                              --  Mother M. Angelica

Jaymes' Birth Story

I woke up at 4:00 in the morning on August 12th with contractions. Since I had had contractions throughout the entire pregnancy, I didn't think much of it. The contractions weren't painful, so I just tried to go back to sleep. I realized they were coming pretty regularly, so I decided to time them, and they were 5 to 6 minutes apart. I still didn't think much of them, though, since that was pretty normal for me. I decided to get up anyway, and the contractions seemed to slow down, but when 8:00 came around I had an overwhelming feeling that I should call my doctor. I had an appt. set up for 3:30 that afternoon anyway, and I was just sure this was a false alarm, but I couldn't stop that overwhelming feeling that I should call my doctor. He told me to come in as soon as I could that morning. Monte's mom was planning on getting Isabella for a couple days anyway, so I called her and asked her to meet us at the clinic, which is only an hour away from where she lives. I went in for my appt. while Monte and Isabella waited in the parking lot for his mom to arrive. I told my doctor that I was sure this was a false alarm, and he said that he would bet I was at least a week away from delivery yet . . . then he checked me. His exact words were, "Oh my! You're having this baby today, call your husband, and head over to the hospital."

Monte's mom arrived just in time, and took off with Isabella. Monte and I arrived at the hospital around 10:00. The nurse showed us to our room, then told us that our nurse for the day was Sandy, and she would be there shortly. Sandy is a friend of Monte's family, she's awesome, and she was also my nurse when I was in labor with Isabella. I had been praying that she would be my nurse again, but she doesn't work very often, she's on call to only work on very busy days. Turns out it was a very busy day that day!



Once I got hooked up to the monitors I was surprised to see that my contractions were 2 to 4 minutes apart, because I still wasn't really feeling them. My doctor came at noon, and broke my water, then stuck around for a while because of how insanely fast I progressed with Isabella, he thought it could go the same way again. With Isabella, I got an epidural, but it didn't kick in until after she was born. My doctor told me this time, if I was going to get an epidural to do it now. I wasn't planning on it, but then I got scared, thinking back to the pain, and I totally chickened out and got it! It. was. amazing!! The contractions were just starting to get really painful when I got the epidural, I believe I kept saying over and over again, "This is the greatest thing ever invented!" Things continued to progress that afternoon pretty slowly, then around 5:00 my epidural completely quit working. Apparently it happens about 1 in 10 times. So for the last couple, most painful, hours of labor I didn't have anything. In the end, I'm glad because it gave me lots of chances to offer it up for specific people, circumstances, etc.



Once I got to 9 cm, I asked if my doctor was coming, and the nurses said (my nurse, Sandy, had gone home by then) they were going to wait a little while yet. I BEGGED them to call my doctor, because I just knew it was going to be soon. Sure enough, once I got to a 10, and had the overwhelming urge to push, my doctor was not there! That was awful, not being able to push when I HAD to so badly! The minute he walked through door I started pushing, and I believe I exclaimed, "Thank God you're here!!" And in three quick pushes sweet little Jaymes arrived at 7:00 sharp! They laid him on my chest for quite a while, and I was in shock because it was a totally different experience than having Isabella - so calm! As I type this I'm overwhelmed with emotion, thinking of how wonderful the experience was!



I tore very bad, into the muscle, it took the doctor what seemed like a VERY long time to sew me up, and for some reason his numbing injections didn't work on me, so I felt everything. That was probably the worst part of the whole experience for me. My recovery in that department has been very slow and very frustrating for me. I ended up going in to the Dr. this past Saturday because the pain was so bad I could hardly move. The P. A. I saw thought it might be infected, and said it just wasn't healing very good, and had a really long way to go. I then had another appt. with my doctor on Monday of this week, and he didn't think it was infected, but also said it wasn't healing very fast. He said the pain has been so bad because the tears were so deep that the nerves were just starting to "wake up" and form again around two weeks post partum. I'm hoping to get over this soon, because it is really slowing me down. Other than that, it really was a great experience, my entire time in the hospital was a really good experience, a million times better than Isabella's birth!

37 Weeks!

I cannot believe I made it to full term! It just goes to show how different each pregnancy can be, and to think that my first doctor told me I was more likely to deliver even earlier this time. I am officially off my anti-contraction meds, thank goodness! It was so weird going to my appt. today, during my pregnancy with Isabella and so far throughout this whole pregnancy the doctor and nurse were always asking me how my contractions were because it was a bad thing. Now today, they were acting all excited when asking about my contractions, I just can't believe I'm at this point. I've dilated more, and my doctor wants to see me in less than a week, instead of my usual weekly appt. I asked him to make a prediction, and he said he still thought it would be another week to week and a half. I cannot wait to have this baby, I'm so excited!! I even have all my "before baby comes" projects done that I wanted to do. My main project was going through all my pictures and putting them in photo albums, it was a huge job because I hadn't done anything with them since Isabella was about 11 months old. I vow to keep on top of that now! And the nesting is a bit out of control - I'm sure the baby will really appreciate that every piece of crystal was taken out of the china cabinet and washed in anticipation of his or her arrival! I've made up some freezer meals as well. We should be set when it comes to food, since my mom will be coming to stay the first week home from the hospital, Monte's mom will be coming the following week, then my awesome Bible Study friends bring meals for about 3 weeks straight. Between all that and my freezer meals we should be set for about the first 6 weeks!

What we've been up to - part 1

It's been awhile since I've updated, between hosting visitors and my exhaustion, I haven't been on the computer too much. I'm 4 weeks or less away from delivery, since I will more than likely be induced around 39 weeks if I haven't gone on my own by then. I've never been pregnant this long, I had already had Isabella by now. I'm very glad this little one (or big one!) is deciding to make itself at home a little while longer, my dream is to be able to have the baby released from the hospital the same time as me, I don't know what that's like, but in my mind it's amazing. :) The heat, but mostly the humidity, is zapping me, and I don't even do anything. I pretty much sit outside watching Isabella play all day. Thank goodness for naps (for her and me) in cool, air conditioned comfort! I feel like I've accomplished a lot these days, when I just get a good meal on the table for supper, and then all cleaned up. I'm so glad I got all the baby stuff ready a month or so ago, because now my energy level is zilcho and my weird pelvic pain is back with a vengeance, making it SO hard to walk, I told Monte he should get me an electric scooter, but he didn't really go for the idea! :) Anyway, enough of the complaining, it's nothing like what I went through the first four months, and it will very soon all be worth it! I'm trying to remember to offer it up for many of you, especially those who are hoping and praying for a baby.

Monte has been crazy busy with work lately, with no end in sight to the craziness. He's been having to work every weekend, too. It's good since he's bringing in extra money with all the extra weekends of work, but bad in that we don't see him nearly as much as we are used to. A certain Daddy's girl is REALLY missing him, and doesn't understand that when he is finally home he still has lots of work to do on the computer and phone, and can't play with her every minute. But I know that I sure appreciate all he does for our family! He's very stressed right now, and I know that part of it is that he travels all over, and now that the baby will be here shortly, he worries about being far away from home when the time arrives.

On to the pictures!

Playing in the sprinkler on a hot day.

Helping weed the garden, she absolutely loves to garden!

We got a new couch, and she thinks it is SO cool that she can recline in it, even though her feet don't come close to needing the footrest up! Our old couch was literally being held together with duct tape (no joke!!). I did have a slip cover over it, so it looked decent, but it was definitely time for a new, much more comfortable one.


My sister and her kids came for a couple days, as always, the cousins had a blast, and my sister and I enjoyed chatting and looking at recipes. :)

Early Riser

I was up most of the night last night with contractions, they were different than what I normally have, they are becoming more painful. I finally got up for the day at 4:30, since I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep. I proceeeded to do what any sane person would do at 4:30 in the morning - clean my house from top to bottom! :) I did call when the clinic opened and got in to see my doctor right away this morning, things have changed a little, but nothing drastic, so that was good news. I'm only a few days a way from how far along I was when I delivered Isabella, but I have a feeling (and so does my doctor) I'll go longer this time, maybe even full term! I'm still on the drug, Terbutaline, to stop contractions (or try to slow them down) and I hate how it makes me feel, it has some awful side effects! The good news is, my mom is coming out today to stay for a couple days, and she's bringing one of my niece's with to play with Isabella! And when my mom leaves on Thursday, my sister and her kids are coming out to visit for a few days. Lots of excitement around here!

32+ Weeks

Today's Update

Thank you SO much for all of your reassuring comments, they really made me feel so much better! The doctor seemed completely unconcerned about what the ultrasound showed. Just like some of you said, he said ultrasound measurements can be off, and he's not going to go by what the ultrasound said. Also, the nurse told me that ultrasounds showed her baby was well over 8 pounds, but born weighing 6 pounds. He said I very well could be having a big baby though, especially since I was almost 10 pounds at birth!! Things are starting to change. I have started to dilate, and am at 1 cm. Also, the baby's head is very low, which is why I've been feeling so much pain and pressure lately.

An interesting turn of events . . .

Now that I'm a little calmer, I can get some thoughts down about my ultrasound. I went in to have an ultrasound yesterday, but don't see the doctor until this afternoon, and I am definitely going to have some questions for him! The ultrasound tech decided to get measurements of the baby, usually she just does measurements of my cervix, so I was very interested to see how big the baby is. She told me our little porker weighs in at 5 pounds 10 ounces!!!! I about had a heart attack right then and there! I'm only (supposedly) 32 weeks, but everything on the baby, including weight, is measuring almost 36 weeks! I was in total shock, because Isabella was 5 pounds 6 ounces at 34 weeks. I figured this baby would be about on track with her. I'm so confused, like I've said before I was unsure of my dates at the beginning, and actually did think I was pregnant a month before, this should be an interesting appt. today! If I am only 32 weeks, should I be calling the Guinness Book of World Records?!? I really don't want to birth a gigantic baby, that thought terrifies me . . .

Oh, and in my borderline hysteria afterward, while getting my hair cut, I decided to do something drastic and get some bangs cut. I haven't had bangs since high school, and now they are driving me crazy in my eyes!

Alone Time

Isabella is staying at Monte's parents all this week, and I miss her like crazy! It's been way too quiet in this house, she's apparently having a blast at Mama and Papa's, and is worried about having to come home. Monte and I will be joining her tomorrow evening and staying for the fourth of July weekend, so she'll be happy she doesn't have to come home to her boring parents quite yet!

In the mean time, I've gotten lots of things ready for baby, and still have plenty of things left on my list to get done around the house. I also have doctors appointments both today and tomorrow. I'm very slow going recently due to a sudden onset of intense pelvic pain which makes it very difficult to do certain things like, you know, walk. So I've also gotten quite a bit of reading done while sitting outside enjoying the nice weather.

I can't believe July is here! Although, I pray that I won't deliver until at least the end of July, I'm so thankful to have made it this far. My contractions have picked up quite a bit in the last week, so I'm asking for your prayers that baby stays put for at least a little while longer yet.

I have lots of posts floating around in my head, to go with recent pictures, but the pictures are on the other computer, which Monte has with him for work . . . Who knows, maybe I'll even update the food blog soon . . .

The Home Stretch . . .

also known as the last trimester!! I'm so glad to have made it this far without any major complications. All of the discomforts of the last trimester are creeping up on me, but they are SO worth it, of course. After I slept for 2 and a half hours during Isabella's nap today, I was commenting to Monte that I don't remember being this tired with Isabella. Then I remembered that at this point with her I was on bed rest, and dozing in and out of consciousness all day, everyday, ha! I am so, so grateful that so far things are going better this time around. At this point with Isabella I had been on bed rest for a month already, was on all sorts of meds that made me loopy and lowered my blood pressure so much I would black out, was dilated, had had several extended stays in the hospital, etc. This time around I have definitely had some scares, one very short stay in the hospital, contractions, am on one kind of medicine, but I'm NOT on bed rest, and I'm not dilated at all! As the doctor told me yesterday, this baby is making a much more welcome home for itself than Isabella ever did! :)

My appointment went great yesterday, it took over 3 hours because the ultrasound tech accidentally did my ultrasound under someone else's name, so after I had my appt. with my doctor I had to go back to do both the regular and TV ultrasounds all over again, then go back to have another appt. with my doctor to go over the results. There were no changes in my cervix, so I didn't have to get the steroid shots yet either. I drank the orange junk for my glucose test, and passed that with no problems, also. Monte stayed home with Isabella, and decided to take her fishing, what a good Daddy! They had a lot of fun!

I'm only 6 weeks away from when I had Isabella, and 8 weeks away from my goal of 36 weeks. Diapers and wipes are bought, nursing supplies ordered, pump and bottles are sterilized and ready to go, in case of another preemie who can't nurse. :( Baby supplies (swing, car seat, etc.) that have been lent out are now returned, I even have a few clothes washed and put away. With Isabella, we had the nursery all done and ready to go before she was born. It's funny how with the second one, I don't care about that as much. I figure the baby will be in our room for a couple of months anyway, so we'll probably figure out the sleeping arrangements after he or she comes. More than likely, we'll end up moving Isabella to the bigger spare bedroom, and the baby will be in what is her room now. I'm getting so excited to meet this little one!

Beautiful Summer Day

It seems like every evening for the past week or so, when I sit down, my contractions start in, the last two nights they have been 3 to 4 minutes apart. Besides that I have been feeling a lot of uncomfortable pressure lately, along with only feeling the baby move really low, I was worried the baby had dropped already. I made a phone call to the doctor this morning, and he said to come into the clinic right away. It was the first time I have ever taken Isabella with me to one of my appointments, she had some questions for me afterwards! He did an ultrasound, and said the baby was in a very strange oblique position, which would cause me to feel a lot pressure, it hasn't dropped,* phew*! He then checked my cervix, and it was still exactly as it should be, double *phew*!! What a relief to be so reassured! He did double my dosage of anti-contraction meds since I was on a very low dose. I go back in a week for my regular appt, ultrasounds, and all that other good stuff.

Since it is such a beautiful day, Isabella and I decided to go to one of our favorite spots, a gorgeous walking trail where there's all sorts of ponds, bridges, gazebos, geese, etc. It was very windy, though, so excuse the windblown hair! Monte came home early today, so when she gets up from her nap she and Daddy are going to finish planting the garden. In the meantime, I think I'll go read a book outside.

26 Weeks . . .

and only 1 week away from the last trimester, yay!

To the hospital and back

OF COURSE, just as I post that everything is fine I end up in the hospital today! I was feeling very nauseous and sick this morning, so I decided to lay down for awhile. While I was laying down I started having very regular contractions, one after the other, about 7-8 minutes apart. After a couple hours of this I called my doctor, and he told me to go straight to the hospital. Thankfully Monte happened to be home at the time, and we called our neighbor to come stay with Isabella. Thank goodness she is so easygoing, even though it was about an hour and half before her naptime, we put her to bed without any complaints from her, before we left. When we got home she was happily playing babies with our neighbor lady, and calling her "Mama" (her term for grandma).

Once we got to the hospital I got a sick feeling, thinking back to all the times I was there when I was pregnant with Isabella. The nurse recognised me right away. They hooked me up to the monitors for the afternoon, did some tests, and sent me home this evening with a prescription for anti-contraction meds, and doctor's orders to "be a couch potato". Boo. I'm supposed to hear tomorrow on the pre-term labor test.

This week is turning out to be a doozy of a week. Monte's dear grandpa passed away over the weekend, and we are heading home to his parents tomorrow for a couple of days for the funeral. His grandpa was 97, and ready to go home. We are thankful for his good, long life, it is a bittersweet time.

24 Week Update

I see the little lady on my sidebar ticker got larger today, ha! I'm not entirely sure how accurate 24 weeks is. According to my NFP charting I'm 24 weeks, but that was a completely wonky cycle for me, so I'm not entirely confident in my charting that month. According to the ultrasounds, I'm 25 and a half weeks along. My appt. last Thursday was a LONG one, and all my appts. from now on will be also. I had my appt., my usual monthly ultrasound with the doctor, he checked my cervix, then I was sent down to have another ultrasound with the tech to get precise measurements of my cervix, then I had another appt. right away with my doctor. The good news is that I am not dilated at all, and my cervical length is normal! This is great news considering that I was dilated and in pre-term labor with Isabella at 24 weeks! The not as good news - some days I'm having a lot of contractions, and the baby is low and "in position". My doctor is not too worried at this point though, so no bed rest or medications yet, yay! Since my cervical length was so good, he decided not to do the pre-term labor test yet. If anything has changed in 3 weeks, I'll be getting steroid shots to develop the baby's lungs faster.

He also told me that if I make it until then, he'll be inducing me 2 weeks early. The reason for this is that my labor with Isabella went insanely FAST (from 4 cm to having her out in 15 minutes!)! He wants to make sure I get to the hospital in time. He was telling us about a patient he just had who delivered her baby just as they were pulling in to the hospital parking lot! I know a lot of people don't like to be induced or have a scheduled delivery, but I am more than okay with it. Having that fast of labor was scary, and it's something that's been on mind lately, hoping I can get to the hospital in time, especially considering Monte's mom is the one who will be coming to get Isabella, and she is 1 and a half hours away. We also live 20 miles from the hospital. I can't believe I only have 3 months to go! Please, please pray with us that this little baby doesn't take after big sister, and decide to make too early of appearance!

22 Weeks

Isabella cracks me up in this picture, I didn't even know she was there. She's apparently showing off her belly too! I feel like I've blimped up . . . everywhere . . . lately, bleh . . .

Isabella wanted her picture taken with Daddy, too.

Halfway there!

I'm 20 weeks, which is the official halfway point. Though, as I said earlier, I will be SHOCKED if I go the full 40 weeks! I'm praying to make it to 36. They took detailed measurements of my cervix, and it is within the normal range for right now, *whew*! At my next two appointments they will be doing the fetal fibronectin test to determine my chances of going into pre-term labor. We got to see the baby in action on the ultrasound, he or she was very busy swallowing amniotic fluid, that was neat to see. The ultrasound tech said only about 1 in 10 get to see that. Also, when Isabella was a baby, and also during her ultrasounds, she ALWAYS had at least one of her hands touching her face (usually covering her eye), it appears this baby has the same tendancy. :)