You'd think I would be over it by now

A couple of weeks ago, at my weekly bible study, a friend of mine broke down in tears. That day was her son's fifth birthday, and although it was five years ago, the scary memories of how he came into to the world were still so painful for her to think about. Her experience had a lot of similarities to mine. And to be honest, I was relieved to know how she felt, because I have been feeling the same way, both last year at Isabella's birthday, and now this year with her birthday coming up in just a couple of days. I can't explain it very good, but when I think about my pregnancy and her birth, it's like it was just yesterday. All the emotions and complete fear come rushing back to me. Her birthday is such a bittersweet time for me, I'm so happy to have my healthy little girl, but those emotions are always on my mind this time of year. I try not to think about her birth, but it's like a movie playing over and over again in my mind. The chaos of doctors rushing in, working on her tiny, lifeless body. Even though the outcome was wonderful, the whole experience was just something I'd rather not think about. I know some would say to get over it, things could have been SO much worse. I know that because that's what I keep telling myself, but it's just not that easy. Anyway, needless to say, I'm kind of an emotional basketcase right now . . .

Trick or Treat

I say she's a little lamb, but she tells us she's a Daddy sheep!

These pictures were taken last weekend. The local nursing home had a trick or treat day, it was lots of fun. She got so much candy, she was dragging her bucket on the floor by the end. Thankfully, she's not very interested in eating it (I'm sure next year she will be), she just likes to play with it and "feed" it to her dolls. I don't think we'll be needing much more candy, so today we'll just go to a couple of the neighbors' houses to show off her costume.

Not Quite Ready for Five . . .

kids that is. Here's a snippet of my day -

I'm holding a screaming 2 month old who is flopping all over the place, the 7 month old is rolling all over and I can't keep track of him, I'm worried about what tiny toy part he got into that the older ones left out, and an almost three year old is trying to stuff crackers down the 7 month old baby's throat. At the same time, I am constantly hearing "I'm hungry", "I'm thirsty", "I need to go potty", "Help me find . . ." from the two almost 3 year olds. So . . . while holding the floppy, screaming two month old, I attempt to get food and drinks for two of the kids, help them at the table, help them go potty, etc. Meanwhile, Isabella is just staring at me like what are you doing? I totally neglected her, because she was not demanding at all. She actually just stood there and watched the other kids eat, without saying anything other than a shy "Annie hungry too". (She always refers to herself as Annie). But she waited patiently until I could get something for her. The poor thing, I didn't even get to her needed to be changed diaper for like an hour and a half!

I told my mom that I don't think I'm ready to have 5! But as she pointed out, they don't usually come that fast. I took care of 5 kids under 3! There were activities at the elementary school today that the moms could take part in. So I watched the youngest kids of two of my friends. I was in complete survival mode, only able to make sure their basic needs were met (and I probably wasn't even very good at that). I felt bad about not giving them the attention they should have had (especially the babies). Maybe that's just because I only have one now, who gets my undivided attention. All I know is, I could never do daycare (at least not that many who are that close in age). And I have a new found respect for anyone who can do that!

Things I'm thankful for tonight . . .

1. A washer and dryer. I remember when we lived in apartments, the one thing I looked forward to the most about buying a house was having my own washer and dryer. When we moved into our home I was SO excited about having a washer and dryer that I would wash just a few things at a time, so that I could do laundry every day! However, the novelty quickly wore off. But after our dryer broke (we were without it for the last week) I am not taking that for granted anymore!


2. A handy husband who could take the dryer apart, and fix it himself, thus saving us lots of money, I'm sure. All we had to do was order a part.


3. A little girl that doesn't seem to grow too fast. She's wearing some things from last winter (including all of her pajamas from last year) , but what I'm especially happy about is that her 18 month winter coat, snow pants, hat, etc. from last year still fit her perfectly. Yes, we're wearing all that stuff around here. The temperatures have been in the 20's and 30's.

Last Year

Today

Two year pics - part 2

These were fun, but I like the outdoor ones better, so we'll use those. I'm glad I took those when I did, the weather has been horrible lately.

29

Happy 29th birthday to my wonderful hubby! I was supposed to attend a teacher in-service for religious education about 30 miles away this evening, but it has been SNOWING since early this afternoon. The temperature is exactly 32 and the roads were really wet earlier, so Monte thought the roads would be really slick tonight. We decided I should play it safe and stay home. I figure, what are they going to do, fire me from my volunteer position? :) Besides, this way, I got to stay home and celebrate! I made one of his favorite meals for supper. I also made a new cake, that was really easy and delicious. I'll post the recipe to Food and Fellowship sometime soon.

Did Someone Call for a Doctor?

This and That

I think I'm in a blogging slump. I haven't had much desire lately to blog or be on the computer, there's been a lot going on.

Monte's not doing so good with his Crohn's Disease, prayers would be appreciated.

His wedding ring has not been found. I really don't think we'll see it again.

And now on to happier things -
We celebrated Monte's (tomorrow) and Isabella's (Nov. 2) birthdays with his family this past weekend. Isabella is now decked out with new toys, and it's not even her birthday yet, she's got another party to go! She got baby doll furniture (highchair, swing, car seat, crib, and stroller) from her Mama and Papa (grandma and grandpa). Some other things she got were a My Little Pony magic tea set, a doctor kit, clothes, and a big Play Dough activity center. Her VeggieTales cake turned out alright. I'll make it again for her next party. We had meatloaf, which is both her and her daddy's favorite food. She's been worn out from the weekend. She's been sleeping 13 (usually it's 11) hours straight at night, plus her usual 2-3 hour naps!

Monte and I got to go on a date while we were staying at his parents. We went out to eat, did a little shopping, and went to a movie. We saw The Express, it was great!! And I don't even like football, but I loved this movie.

It's gotten cold here! It was in the 30's all day, and sleeting! Isabella has always been one to get cold easily, every morning she tells us she's "freezing", and so Monte will hold her tight and put a blanket on her to warm her up. I finally got a picture!

These kids are going to drive me to drink!

Well, I thought my sixth grade religion class was going better, but maybe it's not. Tonight was a disaster! And I've never kicked anyone out before, but I definitely would have tonight. Of course this was the only night our hall monitor wasn't there, so I couldn't. I mean, really, what do you do when kids tell you, their religion teacher, that they HATE going to church, and never go. Their reasoning - it's a waste of time, waste of gas, and they don't care if it's a sin or not! Yes they actually said all those things, and more! And now, I feel like maybe I was a little harsh with them, I pretty much laid into them. But I did say that I was sorry they felt that way, and that I would pray for them. And I told them something I read on Danielle Bean's Coffee talk yesterday, that there was an empty spot in the pew every Sunday that Jesus has reserved just for them. And actually, that got their attention more than anything else I said. Towards the end of the night, my head was pounding, my adrenaline was rushing, and I couldn't take much more, so I made them all go into the church and we prayed the rosary.

Oh, and they're not ALL bad, I have two girls who are excellent, and so sweet (and who actually go to church, and have parents that teach them things).

Lost

Monte called me this afternoon, somewhat frantic, to tell me he just realized he lost his wedding ring! He was really upset, and so was I. I wasn't upset with him or anything, just sad that it was gone. His hands were really cold this morning, and he was constantly taking gloves on and off while checking different fields, so it must have slipped off then. Everyone keeps saying, "well don't you have insurance on it?", just like it's not a big deal. We don't have insurance on his ring because it wasn't all that expensive, but that's not what we care about. What we care about is that it was his wedding ring, blessed on our wedding day. It seems impossible, but we're praying St. Anthony can help us out on this one.

That was weird

The Chinese restaurant we ate at last night was playing a variety of music, some if it was in Spanish!

Afterwards, we walked next door to the second-hand kids clothing store, where they were playing Christmas music!

Photo Shoot in the Backyard

I wanted to take some of Isabella's two year pictures outside. Even though she's not quite two yet, I thought I should take them while the weather was nice, as it is quickly getting cooler. Yesterday was supposed to be our last nice day for a while. I am loving my new camera!

Fall Day

I hate to be one of those annoying, overprotective moms but . . .

if my child is doing nothing more than swinging, and your (older) child is trying to hit her and throw things at her, and you do nothing because you are paying absolutely no attention to your child - then I might get a little perturbed. (Of course, you'll never know that I'm annoyed becuase I never speak up.) :)